The words of my wounded soul…

Your love had a hold on me

Never thought I wanted to be free

Craved the love I never gave to myself

Craved the love I gave to everyone else

As I sit here and watch the hours go by

I notice the pain,

I feel it in my body

I feel it in my soul

Memories resurface

Anger … pain … love

All these emotions swirling around inside

Trapped.

Trapped in my mind

Why won’t my heart and my soul align

I feel an imbalance

A loss

I lost myself in you

I gave myself to you

Blindly

One thing proved to be true

I guess I never really did know the real you

I think back and I realize my mind had created two versions of you:

The one who believed in me… in us… in humanity

The one who understood the deeper meaning of life and circumstance

The one who knew of human imperfection and embraced it

And…

The one who falls victim to societal constrictions

The one who is painstakingly unaware

The one I put on a pedestal and tried so hard to become

Ironically it was your ability to communicate that drew me in

That gave you power over me

Tore me down and built me up

Convinced me I would never be enough

As I sit and gravel in my pain

I notice the signs I tried to ignore

The feeling of pain that I felt inside

Even when you were there by my side

A reaction to our interactions

Never noticed how harmful they were to me

Im disappointed in myself

For silencing my voice

For doubting my judgement

For falling victim to love

instead of giving it to myself

I thought by ignoring myself

And trying to be someone else

Our love would never be forced to endure

The pain of abandonment

Because our connection was more than romantic

Or so I thought…

You confused my passionate love for dependency

You started to have a warped perception of me

This my soul soon became aware

A shift in energy that I felt even when you weren’t there

The shift that I knew would be our destruction

My heart ached at the thought of losing you

Realizing everything you told me wasn't really true to you

Lost in yourself

Trying to be someone else

And our love fell victim to the pain

But now I am choosing to release this pain

And instead work to regain

The sense of self that I lost

The soul you so easily tossed