dark truth

the construct of time is such a silly thing

like how six months ago i didn't feel worthy of life

six months ago i thought i was better of dead

six months ago,

six months ago.

i look in the mirror at the person staring back at me

and it pains me to recognize

the self hatred that was trapped within me

my shadow self

the one who made me believe i was someone else

when i started this year i didn't know how to love myself.

when i started this year i put EVERYONE above my self.

i adopted unrealistic expectations and i lost sight of who i was,

of who i want to be.

you see what this year taught me

was a spoon full of hard reality

a reality that pains me to see

a reality where i have to choose between being me

and being free.

this year was full of reminders...

a reminder that our lives are not valued the same

a reminder that we will always be the ones to blame

a reminder of the lives we will continue to live in shame

unless we start to beat them at their own damn game!!

as i sit here and put my feelings on paper

the tears and emotion are a reminder that this feeling never waivers

this feeling, is how we learn to become our own saviors.

"to be successful as a law student you must separate yourself from the pain"

i.e to be successful as a law student you must separate yourself from yourself.

... but what happens when your daily life is full of pain

what happens when your daily life is what is to blame

what happens when you're unwilling to put yourself in their box

fill your mind with their thoughts,

tie your soul in their knots.

journal entry

january 6, 2024